Why We Resist Change: Understanding First and Second Order Change

Change is a very difficult and uncomfortable process for most of us. Even when we know that change is necessary for growth, we tend to resist it. In fact, we are wired to resist it being that we are "self regulating systems" that seek stability or homeostasis. Understanding the concepts of first and second order change can help us overcome resistance that impedes our growth and progress.

First Order Change
First order change refers to making superficial or less sustainable changes to behavior or actions without addressing the underlying beliefs, attitudes, and values etc. that led to our current situation. For example, if we are struggling with a porn addiction, we may be able to stop cold turkey and white knuckle not acting out for a period of time without addressing the underlying emotional or psychological factors that led to addiction in the first place. While first order change can be helpful in the short-term, and is generally needed initially, it often does not lead to sustained change.

First order change is often easier and requires less effort and commitment than addressing deeper, more complex issues that are running underneath. This makes it appealing to individuals not ready to make more fundamental changes. It is uncomfortable and challenging to examine our beliefs, attitudes, values, etc. and to acknowledge that they may be contributing to our current situation. Many people come into therapy with the goal to stop a certain behaviour not recognizing that this does not happen in a vacuum. As the saying goes in addiction recovery circles, "stopping is easy, staying stopped is the hard part". This is where second order change comes in.

Second Order Change
Second order change takes us to the next level. It requires us to examine and address the root causes of our current situation and to make significant changes to our thinking and behavior. For example, we may engage in therapy or counseling to address underlying trauma, emotional issues, relationship or family dysfunctions, develop new coping skills and self-awareness, and make sustainable changes to our lifestyle. This is where we roll up our sleeves and dig in to the work. 

Committing to second order change can feel like a daunting task, especially if we are not ready or willing to commit. It requires a significant amount of effort and can be painful at times, but for those who are ready, it is a path of great reward. It brings a sense of empowerment and confidence. It brings meaning to our suffering. This is why recovery is often spoken of by those who have done the work as a "gift".

Overcoming Resistance to Change
So, how can we overcome our resistance to change? The first step is to acknowledge and understand the concepts of first and second order change. By recognizing and accepting that superficial changes are often not enough, we can open ourselves up and begin to explore the deeper issues that may be contributing to our current situation. Additionally, we can work on developing a growth mindset, which involves embracing challenges, leaning into discomfort, and viewing setbacks as opportunities for learning and growth.

If you have found yourself stuck in a pattern of unwanted behaviour and can't seem to find any traction or lasting change, assess what level of change your are in and take the next steps, when you are ready, to achieve sustained growth and personal transformation.